the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
