Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Houston, we have a blender
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
