EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
