well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
