How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
