The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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