Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
