Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
