She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
