Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If that was your dad, he is hot
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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