Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize