I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
