I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
