Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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