dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize