He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
