Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
