I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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