Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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