Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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