Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize