I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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