i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
