I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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