just tell him i said nine months
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
