this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
