Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
