i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
