and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
