you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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