I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
