I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
