Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
