real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
