Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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