no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
