Sry I called you an 8
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
