I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize