I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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