Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
