i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
