wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
