I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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