ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
