I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
