idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just googled if crying burns calories
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like death gave me a hand job
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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