The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
