Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it hurts more in the daytime
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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