At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
