a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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