I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
