My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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