Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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