Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
