What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
