what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
