with your own penis?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
