My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
