i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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