it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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