You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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