i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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