tell your sister to shave her snatch
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
