Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
