question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
