Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
