I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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