Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
