Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
