i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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