Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
