We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
