At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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