From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
