he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
