he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
