His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
