Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize