cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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