you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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