Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
